An FMA Guide to NotAMarySue
by The Eighth Homonculus
Summary: There aren't enough of these out there, and they only tell you what NOT to do. The Eighth Homonculus bring what-not-to's and examples of what-to's, too!
1. Chapter 1

The Mary-Sue Rant 

Okay, so I've been reading some tests about FMA OCs and if they're Mary-Sues or not, and honestly I think they're really **harsh**! If you're careful, I don't understand the problem with the homonculus "Patience" code-named Naida Bradley who is a proclaimed relative of the Fuhrer and has gold eyes (that's mine, no stealing!), but apparently it's a big no-no. So here's the opinion of an author who's been bending her story _very_ carefully for like a year now (O.o) so that it's acceptable to all those judgmental people who are insistent that there can't be more hommonculi than the Seven Sins.

The Part That You Guys Actually Care About

**NAMES**

Okay, here I'll say what everyone else is saying, but it's the only exception. Anyone with the last name Elric is a definite no-no. Along with that, last names like Black, Raven, Moon, and Night are just boring. First names shouldn't be anything Japanese like Yuki or Tokine (unless they're from Xing). If they're a native Amestrian who doesn't look Xingenese, a name like that sticks out like a sore thumb in Amestris. The country is reminiscent of Germany in the early 1900's, so anything European is acceptable. Anna Marwick or Cassie Chilcott are some good ones, and I don't see a problem with "Naida" as a first name, because although it's a little odd according to my Grandpa it's German.

**APPEARANCE**

Now somewhere along the line someone said you can't have crimson or gold eyes or silver hair. But what about Ishvalans? They have red eyes and silver hair! It's unfair if your poor Ishvalan OC gets 20 points (when the goal is a low number) on a Mary-Sue test just for being Ishvalan.

As for gold eyes, that is a trait exclusively for Xerxians, and we all know (if you read the manga or watched Brotherhood) that they were wiped off the face of the planet with the exception of Hoenheim. But if you twist your plot just right, it's fine. For example:

_Poor Mara Helios of Xerxes had been studying alchemy and discovered just what the ditch circling the country was for. Her father has helped dig it because they lived on the border of the country, but when it was finished the people were massacred. Mara and her little brother, Aureolus, were spared because they hid and weren't found by the soldiers. She discovered this right before the eclipse and she had just boosted Aure over the border as the circle was activated. Outside the circle, Aure was helpless as his sister died._

_Later Aureolus went on to reproduce and his descendants had golden eyes._

See? Tell me that we can't have golden-eyed people now!

**BACKGROUNDS**

I get the fact that having a sob story _**just**_ like the Elrics' is bad ju-ju and is sadly overused (Poor little insert name just wanted to see her insert family member's smile again, so she did human transmutation and lost insert limb to the Gate. Now she can do transmutations without a circle.). But having a dark past doesn't have to be completely ruled out!

_Cassie Chilcott's parents died when she was three in an automobile crash and she went to live with her aunt in Ishval. Then the uprising started._

Again, everyone is saying "Automail is taboo!" But what if she didn't get it from losing her limb in a human transmutation?

_At the age of six, she was still living in the war torn state, and fell victim to one of Kimbley's boom-booms. She lost an arm and her aunt took her to the nearest automail mechanic, Pinako Rockbell in Resembool. Here she befriended the boys and..._

Or what about a chimera? I haven't read ANY OC catgirls, those could be fun!

_When she lost her arm, the doctors (not the Rockbells, they've died already) told her aunt that Cassie died, and she was whisked away to Central to be tested on and made into a cat chimera, raised specifically for war._

I don't believe in anyone surpassing Ed, because we know he was the youngest State Alchemist admitted into the military. But what about a teenager?

_Cassie, being the military machine she was, was also trained in alchemy. At the age of 15 she became a State Alchemist, which gave her much more free reign, on the condition that only the VERY higher-ups knew that she was a chimera created by the state. And that's how she met the Fullmetal Alchemist..._

Or maybe she could be a homonculus...

**HOMMONCULI**

I hate it when people say you can't have an OC who's a homonculus, that there are only the Seven Sins and they're all used up. I don't believe in just taking a negative trait (Like "Depression") and making it a character, but did these criticizers do any _**research**_?

So this doesn't exactly count as research, but in the manga "Ultimo" (it's in Shonen Jump) which I'll try not to get into much, as opposed to the Seven Deadly Sins there are the Six Perfections. These come from Buddhism and are Generosity, Ethics, Patience, Perseverance, Concentration, and Wisdom.

You could also use the Seven Virtues (Prudence, Justice, Restraint, Courage, Faith, Hope, and Love) if you prefer, but the Six Perfections are more fun in my opinion.

These guys are more fun because quite honestly, they're easier. Ya know those fun little powers the hommunculi have? Well the thing is they're all _**ironic**_. Envy is jealous of everyone, yet he can transform to look like whatever he's jealous of. Sloth is lazy, but he has all those killer muscles. Wrath is calm enough in battle that he can whip anyone's ass before they even notice. Lust... I'm not going into that one.

So have fun making a bodily power (it has to be something in their body that the Philosopher's Stone in their blood stream can enhance, and _**no**_ homonculus can do alchemy. _**Ever.**_) that's ironic to "Courage": they go and hide in a corner when the battle starts?

The Six Perfections make more sense. Patience could run really fast, Ethics couldhave a crazy bloodlust when she smells blood like Butch in "Finding Nemo", etc.

**PLOTS**

I'm not going to say you can't make your story a love story between Ed and your OC, but **SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT **Ed marries Winry **SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT **so plan accordingly. Also, OOC is fun at times, but if you're going for realistic to the original think long and hard about Edo's personality and how he's sure as hell NOT going to be very romantic and lovey-dovey during his time as a teenage State Alchemist.

Another main point is to _**not make your character a wallflower!**_ It's hard to fit poor Tsuki Yamakawa into your story, so you just type up the episodes word-for-word and give most of Al's lines to Tsuki and then add a scene where she and Ed get some behind a pile of books in Sheska's apartment. _**NO NO NO NO NO!**_ If you're going to stay true to the story, have Anna be in central during the Nina parts and then comfort Ed after squeezing what happened out of Al or something. Or maybe Cassie can be just leaving Lab 5 when it explodes and she's found in the rubble by Al, kitty ears exposed.

You could also put it somewhere in the middle as a side mission of Ed's, or before the main story altogether when Mary went with her alchemy instructor to visit Izumi and her apprentices, and avoid the main plot altogether.

**ORIGINALITY**

This is by no means a basis for your story, just some stuff to think about. You might want to try reading other OC fics, then try coming up with something no one else has before. Yes, this is your story and I have no right to tell you what to write, but the fact that you clicked on this means you either want my help or are here to laugh at me and call me stupid.

So get those creative juices flowing!

.

If you like, hate, want to tell me how awesome or dumb I am, or I missed anything, there's a little button down there called "review" that I think you should press!


	2. Chapter 2

Another Rant

Wow, the first chap has been up for 12 hours and I already have 5 reviews! Honestly, I kind of wrote that at 1 AM, so I did miss a lot. There are a few points in which I am going to defend myself, and then try to remember what I missed. (Man, I've started taking debate waaaay to seriously). This being said, I'm _**not**_ going "Boo-hoo, someone's picking on me!" You guys make some really good points and I'll try to explain out the chinks in my armor.

The Rebuttle

WargishBoromirFan says: "Speaking of what the first anime did, my problem with an eighth (well, technically, ninth) homunculus in 'Hood/manga canon is... well, Homunculus. If Bob the Blob's got what he needs, why would Father want to remove anything else from himself? Philosopher's stones big enough to power an individual for thousands of years ain't cheap. First animeverse... meh, I don't know it that well; knock yourself out, Bluebird."

Alrighty, here we go. Homonculus. I at first though that he was removing everything from himself with the hommunculi, too. And Homonculus doesn't posess Ethics (obviously), but on that point he does have Patience.

But somewhere in the end when he's talking to Greed I'm pretty sure he calls him a "shadow" of Homonculus' greed. That got me thinking: Doesn't Homonculus envy God? Lust for God's power? Isn't he greedy to go to the point of killing everyone just to attain this? He's the brains behind it, but isn't he sloth to make his children do it?

And so what if, somewhere along the line, like using my example of little Aureolus Helios surviving the Xerxian transmutation circle, someone starts bugging Father. Say this Aureolus traveled to the capital and encountered Hoenheim, and Hoenheim adopted him. Now since Hoenheim's life is dedicated to stopping Homonculus, Aureolus would be swept into this as well and end up being a nuscience to Homonculus. So he gets to thinking, what if he can turn Aure into his minion? Then he'd be up two in one hit. So he captures Aure and turns him into a homonculus, but since he's already used up all his sins, he picks a perfection at random. They are only shadows after all. But it doesn't work and Aure still won't side with him, blah blah blah...

And on the point about Philosopher's Stones not being cheap, yes they are. As long as there are people around, Homonculus can have his military make more.

(And I'll never write a fic for the first anime because it doesn't make sense scientifically, a cyber cookie and rant on that if anyone asks. :P )

I really like the points WargishBoromirFan is making, actually. For example: "The 'verse of FMA is big enough that someone doesn't have to even meet Ed or Roy to have a cool adventure. They can find ways of opposing the evils in Amestris, the treachery in Aergo, the political infighting in Xing, the disregard for humanity in Xerxes, and the ever-brewing wars with Drachma and Creta without having to try to punch Father in the face. And that's why I love this fandom and its OCs. Good ones fit seamlessly into the larger tapestry like they were there all along as Soldier A, the unsung hero of anime." Amen! I never said you _had_ to wedge them right in there, but if you're going to these are some tips, is all.

ciaao says: "With chimeras, they never are just for example girls with cat ears, they'd have some kind of other more subtle animal traits."

I agree with that, too. I guess to a lot of you guys I have to admit I was on a typing tangent at 1AM... So let me change my examle:

Cassie Chilcott is a cat chimera abducted by the state and raised along with another crew of abducted kids to work for the state. When she joins the military and later becomes an alchemist, she either has to pretend her tail is a belt she never goes without, wears a hat over her cat ears and shaves her fur every night (that could be fun) or can transform from her human form to some kind of terrifying cat/human beast like Darius, Heinkel, Jerso, and Zampano. The latter seems to be the military-deemed success chimeras.

ciaao also says: "Japanese names are pretty much unacceptable unless you make up a country for them to come from as Xing is parallel to China."

Oh man, I dug my own grave with this one. Excuse the brain fart? Well what I can say for this one is\: Izumi! That's a Japanese name! I think if they're few and far between and they look semi-Asian like she does, it's acceptable. That said, their last name probably shouldn't be Ashikawayamahachi or something. Maybe an Asa Dunn or Chiyo Mueller? (I personally know a blonde boy named Asa, but cultural diffusion in America and whatnot...)

I'm Sexy says: ""As for gold eyes, that is a trait exclusively for Xerxians, and we all know (if you read the manga or watched Brotherhood) that they were wiped off the face of the planet with the exception of Hoenheim. But if you twist your plot just right, it's fine."

^ On the other hand, being a member of a supposedly extinct race screams Mary-sue."

Well I guess this is true, and if you just want your character to have gold eyes for vanity and so she can say "Ed, we have the same color eyes! We're meant to be together!" then that's Sue-ish.

But if it's a major plot point, like she's the daughter of the aforementioned Aureolus, and because of this she feels it her duty to help bring down Homonculus, or something like that,then gold eyes might help to establish this.

I'm Sexy also says: ""First names shouldn't be anything Japanese like Yuki or Tokine (unless they're from Xing)."

^Xing is to China as Amestris is to Germany. Add that to the fact there is't a single character with a Japanese name in the manga, 2003 series, or Brotherhood."

Again, my bad, but Izumi does have a Japanese name!

I'm Sexy also also says: ""Or what about a chimera? I haven't read ANY OC catgirls, those could be fun!"

^No. As seen with Nina, human/animal Chimeras rarely go well. Greed's henchmen were likely the result of many many test subjects, a great number of which likely failed and either lived on with dulled mental faculties, or were terminated."

Sure there were lots of test subjects, but the fact that the military is using chimeras as soldiers (Darius, Heinkel, Jerso, and Zampano) means this could be possible. Greed's henchmen weren't even the well-made chimeras, otherwise the would be in the military!

The Missed Stuff

**NAMES**

Okay, I've already admitted that on this I was an idiot like twice, but I'll say it again: I admit the Xingenese are actually parallel to Chinese, so they wouldn't have Japanese names but Chinese ones. So if your character is Chinese, go for the Chinese names. There are Japanese names in the original story, however, like Izumi, and so if you want a character with a Japanese name, go ahead, but use sparingly and not with a last name like Ashikawamitaniyawasenbu. Also, they should probably have dark hair and eyes if their name is going to be something like Asa Dunn, because they'll have to be part-Asian at least to get a name from a far-off unnamed eastern country like that.

**APPEARANCE**

Most honestly for the previous appearance section I was too busy covering my ass and forgot about telling you what _not_ to do.

I think it's really, _really_ obvious that having rainbow-colored eyes is a big fat no-no, considering this is a pretty realistic world. Stick to the browns, greens, blues, and reds that are common in the world of FMA, and possibly gold, but only if it's a _major_ plot point and your character _has_ to be Xerxian or the story is a bust. Also, eyes don't naturally change color, and definitely not with mood (okay, mine are hazel so they actually do but keep within the spectrum, no black changing to grey, because black is dark brown and grey is a shade of light blue). The _only exception_ in the FMA world that I can think of is if your character is transformed into a homonculus. Ex: Ling had black eyes, then when he became Greed they turned crimson.

With hair, again stick to the norm. But for a few exceptions (Armony in "The Broken Angel" PS2 game has pink hair that if we're generous can be called red, Envy's black hair sometimes looks green or purple depending on the lighting, and that lady in the Curse of the Crimson Elixir with light green hair which in the case of some albinos this is the color some hair can look), everyone's hair is a natural color that can be found in our world. This being said, in the early 1900's they only had hair dye that makes your hair black or blonde, so no bubblegum pink, neon green, bright blue, or black hair that fades to white at the tips unless you specifically point out that she dyes her hair that way.

Also on the point of hair, stick to hairstyles that don't steal from other characters who are defined by them. She probably shouldn't have a single braid going to the bottom of her shoulder blades and bangs framing her face with an antenna sticking up at the part because of her cowlick unless she is imitating Ed or something. If they haven't even met when her hair is this way, props to "coincidence" authors, you should probably know the main character hairstyle (unless you plan to have Ed flip out at her for stealing his hair and she's totally clueless, then goes "Hahah, we have the same hair!", though this will probably have your readers rolling their eyes). A ponytail or a loose bob will work, but if her hair is too long and down it would hinder her in battle, so plan accordingly and tie it up.

If you're going to describe your OC's clothes (I tend not to), make sure they fit with the era. Amestris isn't medieval, nor has a Hot Topic on every street corner in Central. It takes place during the Industrial Revolution, so clothes that apply to that era, please. Steampunk styles can also be used (I think Ed's outfit fits that bill), but consider your character's age, occupation, social status, etc. A twelve-year-old farm girl living on the outskirts of Amerstris isn't going to wear a Victorian ball gown made from shiny grey leather. This being said, if she's going to be a fighter, I recommend a bit of crossdressing and letting her wear trousers or a short (not tooo short) and leggings. (actually if your character is a homonculus who'slived 100+ years or so some of their clothes could be a bit off but make it fit their original era)

Well I think this is enough for now, I'll get up more soon but I've been writing this for at least 4 hours and my brain is fried.

If you would like to add to the guide, we're open and I'll put in good ideas. Review or PM me!


	3. Chapter 3

Another Little Blurb

Ok so this is way overdue than I though I was going to write it, sorry guys! I've been... well doing nothing actually but it took me a while to sort through the reviews with my **POUNDING HEADACHE(**don't eat things you _know_'ll give you them while trying to write...)**!** Thanks for reviewing and just clicking on this story, we've got nearly 200 hits already (not sure if that's big but it is for me!)! I really hope I'm helping you guys, and I'm actually learning a bunch too. :D

More Rebuttles/ Good Advice From Readers

kumakumajiro14 says: "Also, a way to keep your character somewhere in the middle of Soldier A(props to whomever it was with he Vic reference) and a total Ed-loving Sue is befriend or tag along with a secondary character and base your story off them. For example your OC could for whatever reason be in love with Marcoh or something."

Being the idiot I am I now realize I was only addressing you guys of which are tagging along with the main bishies. Sorry (in my defense most of the fics out there are doing that)! I guess I was more focused on what my story does, which is the "try and wiggle your characters into the story without being pointless or screwing anything up" approach. But I should tell you guys this is _really hard_ and I knew it would be starting out.

If you're not ready to twist your story really close to the heart of the real one, _don't try it_. Or just don't try it at all, because one day you'll probably buy one of the manga volumes, open it up, and go "Oh shit!", because _Sloth _of all people says something that your story contradicts (sorry for the rant but that happened to me yesterday XD).

So if you're looking for a challenge, by all means follow my lead. But as everyone's saying, there is definitely more wiggle room than that. It's a whole _universe_ for Gate's sake!

WargishBoromirFan says: (in response to my rebuttle) "Kimblee's golden-eyed in the first anime (as well as a color page of the manga) and feels no particular need to stop the homunculi. Gray-eyed Mei Chan, of no birth relation to anybody from Xerxes or anyone affected directly by Father before she turns up in Amestris on the other hand... Put the Envy in the coconut and shook it all up. So yeah, sometimes a "plot reason" for special features just makes it worse if the justification is pretty flimsy. It calls attention to what I'd rather ignore as a favor to the OC."

Okay so sometimes my examples aren't that great as pointed out by a few people already... But I would like to point out that Kimbley is a wack-job, and on the other hand doesn't _know_ that he's Xerxian and what Father did to Xerxes (to my knowledge anyway). Also, I must point out again that he's _nuts_, so he wouldn't care anyway, as he doesn't seem to care about _his_ country being wiped out.

I'm not sure what Mei having gray eyes has to do with her being Xerxian, but I love the visual about Envy. ;)

I will admit that my example was "pretty flimsy", but I'm sure someone else could come up with a reason (someone _help me!_)!

WargishBoromirFan also says: "I'll leave extra homunculi in general as agree to disagree, but the more powerful/special the OC and the more central it is to the plot, the further it strains my suspension of disbelief. When the OC forces changes in the canonical laws and history of the 'verse and the canon characters to act differently than what I'd expect without explanation, my artifical incredulity is just shattered. When it snaps, I call Sue. Just sayin'."

I think if your OC is a homonculus, or anyone, really, and you're creating your own story arc, I don't see the problem with them being important to the plot , as they are (in retrospect) your main character. If they have nothing to do with the plot, then what are they doing there? This doesn't mean they have to "change the laws and history of the FMA 'verse and make canon characters act differently without explination," (unless it's AU I suppose), and they shouldn't. The whole point is to add to what's already there, not shatter it for your amusement and reader's dismay.

CelticKawaii says: "It's true, red eyes for an Ishbalan character are okay, and so are gold eyes...but you have to be careful when it comes to OC's who are related to Ed & Al. Granted, Hoho sure gets around, so I guess it would make sense in some cases, but just because your OC's an Elric doesn't mean (s)he has to be just like Ed & Al."

Good point. If your OC is a sibling of the guys, a few notes:

According to an-oober annoying episode 27 in Brotherhood it can be debated that Papa Hoho was in Resembool since Trisha was around 5. Granted she had Ed at like 15 (I did the math with help from her headstone), but that means that a sister a year older than Ed is a no-no. Nor could she be Al's age or a year younger, because Hoho didn't leave until Ed was 5, she's have to be around six years younger (if we include the 9 months inside her mommy). So in retrospect any siblings of the boys would have to be 24+ or 9-. Sorry.

As Edo tells Father in episode 28 of Brotherhood (I've got no idea where it is in the manga), the brothers don't have their father's last name (_Hoenheim_, his first name is _Van_) because their parents were never actually married. This being said, there is no Susan Elric _ever_, unless that's what one of the guys names their daughter or they're a relative of Trisha. And no one on Trisha's side will have gold eyes. (Sorry again)

Remember that Ed and Al are _total_ opposites, and both very different from their father. Being Ed's half sister doesn't mean flipping out when getting called short (he has his phsycological reasons behind that, for to Ed being called small means that he's too little to fix things by himself like he's trying to do) and being related to Al doesn't mean picking up every stray kitty on the sidewalk (no one can be awesome enough to manage not getting not attacked by said kitty as he is). She is going to have her own personality, because this is formed by how, where, and by whom they're brought up. So think about their background and base them on that, not on some long-lost relative they didn't even meet until he crashed through their roof on a "mission."

CelticKawaii also says: "As for 'tragic pasts,' there's nothing wrong with automail, but remember that it costs money. Maybe your OC stole it from somewhere [plot twist!]."

(I like the way you think. XD) Budding off of that, maybe they lost their limb in an accident then had to brush up on their alchemy skills because they couldn't work in the mines any more and it was the only way of making a living with one leg. Then when they were told about the pay State Alchemists get they steal some automail and hop on a train to Central, intent on returning it and getting their own when they have enough money.

(Sorry, I enjoy spitting these out too much :D)

CelticKawaii also also says: "Now about homunculi...I think it's okay to have an 8th one, but that means (s)he won't be one of the Seven Deadly Sins...and therefore, the OC is a 'n00b.' I disagree with the whole 'virtue homunculus' thing; sorry, but it has to be a sin. But you're right about taking a negative word and using it as your character's name. Gimme a break people! "

Well if you're going from the original anime them yeah, shame on me for telling everyone to do virtues, because in that one they're all randomly named bad guys who came from failed human transmutations (okay, Lust, Greed, Gluttony, and maybe Envy make sense, but why the hell is Ed and Al's _Sloth_? I'm pretty sure because it was the only one left...). But I do manga/Brotherhood and steer away from the original anime because practically _nothing_ there makes sense (Is _no one_ going to ask for my rant on that? You guys are smart. XD).

CelticKawaii gives really good advice, neh?: "Making a 'romance story' with Ed isn't totally wrong, but keep in mind: he's not the friendliest guy out there, so your OC probably won't hit it off with him right away"

Okay I totally agree with this but I think I have one exception: If it's a homonculus who became one when she was little and now is 14 in the body of a 5 year old or something, I can see Ed getting along with them, if they kept in character. He seems to get along with kids well.

CelticKawaii says: "Oh, one more thing; you're right [again] about the Mary Sue tests - they really are harsh! [I think it should count as a flaw it your cahracter's flat-chested! LOL]"

Hahah yay for the flat-chested OCs! The ones that try to come on to Ed and he makes fun of them for having no boobs! Then she calls him short and a fist-fight ensues! (did that rhyme? XD)

CelticKawaii (last one I promise) also also also says: "Now as for homunculus eyes, not all of them are purple. I'm mostly thinking of the 1st anime, but case in point: Bradley/Manga!Wrath has [one] teal-ish eye, Lust has red eyes, I'd argue that Anime!Wrath's are blue, and in the 1st anime, William Hoenhiem (SPOILER*SPOILER*SPOILER*SPOILER), or Envy's true form, has gold eyes."

You're right about Wrath (the real one)'s eye being green, but he's also the only homonculus that can age, so I suppose he was made special, as he was created to be the leader of the country and the Ouroborus wouldn't want to let anything slip. But I want to say he's the only exception because of this: most homunculi don't age and have red(ish) eyes.

I'm pretty sure their eyes are supposed to look more purple as to not confuse them with Ishvalan eyes, but I suppose the purpley-red could vary a bit.

Now to Envy's true form in the first anime, in either the _first or second_ episode he (it?) _says_ that he doesn't remember his original form. When he showed it to Ed in the last episode I literally went back and checked. So what, one of Ed's hits to his head made him remember?

Now though Envy doesn't remember his original human form, his true form in manga/Brotherhood (whether the giant monster one or the "Real Shrimp") has red eyes. I was uncertain in the manga (and for a while though he was pink XD), but Brotherhood has it clarified. :)

That's it for Rebuttles!

I don't know what needs expanding in the way of my catagories, (Names, Appearance, Backgrounds, etc.) what do you guys think? Review and tell me what you want to know!

Thanks to everyone for contributing and helping fix up my mistakes! Virtual Glomp of Awesome to you all!

It would make me reeeeaaally ecstatic to get to 300 hits this week! (I'll update regardless, but...) It's really funny how these things get way more hits/reviews than actual stories.

Would anyone kill me if I advertised stories on here? I could do examples of good ones or something and you guys could contribute! (Review if you like that idea :D).

Until next time!

-Eighth


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